HOPE IS A FUCKING JOKE! STILL, I HOPE FOR IT!

I hope depression will go away on its own. Hope this shit will get better soon. Hope this sick fuck will leave me alone. Hope someone will check on me. Hope someone will help me come out of this fucking depression. See. Hope already does a pretty damn job for this depressive fuck. Hope. Hope. Hope. See... lots of keywords. Hope SEO will do wonders for this blog post. Well, hope is not a fucking joke then. I know, you already got my point. Hope indeed has an important role with all the Impossible wishes, unmet needs, unrealised dreams and uncertain fates as though the whole future depends on it.

But. No shit. In my reality. In this depressive state of mind & stage of life, all I've got is hope. Hope is the only one big fucking thing to hold on to. No friend. No family. No support system. Not even a fucking kind word as giving alms by a passer by. No matter what. I can't give up on myself. Things might get better from the very next moment on. Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe tomorrow. Or maybe the day after tomorrow. But, eventually it will get better. I'm sure. I mean, I hope.

I. You. we can't just give up on ourselves. We simply can't. So, in the meantime, do all the crazy shit to get ahold of yourself (even if you can't that's too totally fine). Because not a fucking soul will see you, hear you, understand you, support you and help you. That's not a very helpful and hopeful. No bullshit. There are people who really understand/love/support you. Whoever has that luck must be so grateful. For that's such a blessing not many of us can have. Either way helps is always available. Seek medical help. Go for couselling. Anything.

This time, one of the dumbest, yet effective, ways I tried was walking out. More precisely, I went out: went for a drive. That was the first time this whole year. Everything was triggering: people, noise, life... you know... literally everything. Because everything reminded me of everything I missed, everything I didn't have and everything I failed to be.

I then looked into nature which was a bit of healing /calming/therapeutic. Even though everything was triggering, I still tried to find hope from it all. Really? Oh yes! For life indeed happens all around me. Maybe one day I'll reach there. Now that itself is one heck of a hopeful stuff to hold on to.

When everything is triggering

I walked out

And I saw people

I saw them happy

I saw them in love 

& company

And I saw them living

I just saw them

But didn't look at any of them

It was triggering

I looked in to nature instead

And I found the lost

It was reassuring

Life happens for them

Life indeed happens around me

With that hope I walked back

More about the author: BRITTON | A Visual Storyteller (brittonv.in)